Business Bites 103: The Other Side of Self Doubt

The Other Side of Self Doubt

Episode 103 on the Business Bites Podcast

The Gist Of This Episode:  Learning how to identify where your doubts come from and how to conquer them can help you move forward in business AND your life.  In this episode, Rachel and Annie Peguero from Profit Where You’re Planted talk about the steps you can take to find yourself on the other side of self doubt. 

 

What you will learn:

  • How Annie discovered who she was
  • How doubting yourself can be paralyzing
  • Why just pushing the doubts aside will not truly help you overcome them
  • Why you should find someone (tribe, coach, etc) that you resonate with
  • and more!

Expand To Read Episode Transcripts

Rachel Brenke: Hey guys, welcome to Episode 103 of The Business Bites Podcast. I am your host Rachel Brenke and I’m actually being joined with someone who is around the world, she is amazing. She’s going to help us get to the other side of self-doubt. You guys know that on this podcast I get in and out with hard-hitting topics. A lot of it’s very to the point on business stuff, but I wanted to bring Annie on in order to talk about self-doubt, getting to the other side because she is a leading authority business and branding coach for the military spouse community, which is how we got connected to each other. She mentors military spouses to transform their moneymaking ideas into digital products that generate income anywhere the military plants their family. She’s a Marine spouse, mom of two girls and they’re living in Okinawa, Japan, where they love beach days, exploring and adventuring on their beautiful Island and anywhere that they travel together.

Just a little side note, she’s a former law enforcement park ranger with the National Park Service and has lived in some of the most beautiful places in America, such as Acadia National Park in Maine, Great Smokey Mountain National Park in Tennessee, Yellowstone, Yosemite, Grand Canyon, and Golden Gate National Recreation Area. That is incredible. So Annie, welcome to the show.

Annie: Thank you so much Rachel, what an awesome introduction. Sometimes I’m like, do I live this life? [crosstalk 00:01:22] Is this my life?

Rachel Brenke: Then you know you’re making it, you’ve created it, you’re making it and you’re enjoying it. When you’re sitting there going, “Wait, I want to be that person” and you’re like, “That’s me.”

Annie: Thanks so much for having me on today. I’m so excited to chat with you and to chat with your audience. I’m very excited about this topic, it’s like my passion topic. I love it and I know that it is a bit different from the things that you usually chat about here, so I’m super stoked, thank you.

Rachel Brenke: Of course, I’m thrilled that we settled on this topic to talk, and by the way guys, her name is Annie Peguero and as someone who has a hard last name to say my whole entire life, I understand when people botch it. So, I apologize, but just so you guys don’t have to worry about the spelling on that, you can find all the show notes for this at rachelbrenke.com/epi103, cause it’s Episode 103. So Annie, before we get into the deep subject of overcoming self-doubt, how did you go from law enforcement park ranger to being this branding coach for military spouses? How did you make that jump? That’s a big jump.

Annie: Right? It is a big jump. But sometimes when I look at it all, I see the similarities, right? And it wasn’t until I was kind of forced to make this decision when I met my Marine because I knew that I was meant to be with him and I couldn’t travel around the United States and be a park ranger if I was married to a Marine. So I gave up my career, everything that I had worked for, everything I went to school for to marry him and be a military spouse.

And when we got married and moved here to Okinawa where we are right now, this was back in 2011, I knew that I had to do something and do something that I was passionate about. So, I actually got into health and fitness and did that for several years. But then I realized that I wasn’t in love with it, It wasn’t my passion, I wasn’t super excited about it. So a couple of years ago, after dealing with all of this self-doubt that I had, I pivoted to business and branding and now just, it’s beautiful, my light is shining and I’m seeing the light shine in my clients, which is really cool.

Rachel Brenke: That’s awesome. As a side note, do you watch friends? The TV show sitcom [crosstalk 00:03:47] every episode. I love them, but whenever someone says pivot in an episode, I just want to start yelling, “Pivot! Pivot!” [inaudible 00:03:58]

But you know what’s funny, is that’s kind of encapsulates that whole scene, which by the way you guys listening if you haven’t seen it, go find it on YouTube, it’s Ross and Chandler, I think, are trying to carry this couch up the stairs and they can’t get it up the stairs in their New York City apartment. But, actually, that whole frustration of Ross yelling, pivot in all of this is the feeling that I felt with my military spouse husband and trying to … How I was going to figure out what I wanted to do and also that was flexible with military. So, you said you got tired of the fitness stuff, but how was it revealed to you? Like, my story was people just started asking questions, how to run a business, how to do that and that kind of just grew from there. What was your experience of how you realized you loved working? Was passionate about working with people in their business?

Annie: Yeah, it was very similar and it was the number one thing that people wanted to pick my brain about. It was the thing that people were always asking me, how was I able to build a global brand while back and forth, overseas moves, raising small children and being a military spouse? But the thing that was even more powerful beyond that was when I talked about business and branding and creating a business from scratch, I would get so fired up, I was glowing, I was excited, I could talk about it forever. And when I talked about nutrition and workouts, I mean even though it was such a big part of my life, it didn’t light me on fire, I wasn’t so excited about it. So, leaving that comfort of health and fitness was very scary but I knew that I was going to be able to live more fulfilled and be more excited about my business if I pivoted.

Rachel Brenke: Pivot, Pivot!

Annie: Right?

Rachel Brenke: But it’s true, and you know what’s interesting is, my first online business course came about some of the similar ways, actually I had a fellow military spouse who, on the pretense of being my friend, was getting all this information out of me on how to set up a legal business and all of this and once she got it, she didn’t need me anymore and I was like, I’m not going to allow that to happen to me again. I mean, I still help friends, but I was really burned by that and that’s ended up how I created my online business course, so like I have a Biz Legally that sits on Rachel Brenke where the podcast is, but mine was a combination of people asking me those top questions all the time and also getting burned and realizing that my time was valuable as well.

Annie: Right. When people sit around and they want to pick your brain and talk about these things, a lot of times people don’t take action and what you just did was wasted your valuable time and energy. So, it’s when you actually have a packaged product to offer and to deliver to them then they see their own gifts and they’re able to really take action on it.

Rachel Brenke: And you know what’s interesting is, I always look back to then, and I think what could I have done differently? I truly, over everything that I do in business, and maybe, I over-analyze a bit too much, but I want to throw to you, if you could go back in time to whether it was in the fitness stuff you were talking about or even what you’re doing now at the very beginning, what would you tell yourself or what would you change?

Annie: Trust. Trust what I was feeling inside and knowing that I have all of the tools to move forward and to make this happen without hiring a bazillion coaches, spending thousands of dollars on every single course imaginable. Always constantly asking for approval before I put something out there to the world. Just knowing that what I have helps people and they’re here with me because they like the way I do things, they want to have a transformation and have me help them and I don’t need to be asking all of the world’s people if it’s okay.

Rachel Brenke: So, let’s dig into that real quick. How do you parse out whether it’s doubt or you talk about trusting yourself, if some of that is also the inverse of that, is doubting yourself, right? How do you differentiate between healthy mistrust or doubt in your decision? Just because maybe you’re concerned about a risk you’re taking versus being paralyzed by it. For me, I’m all or nothing in everything, whether it’s eating tacos or going into business, I’m bolt to the wall on one side or sitting on the bench. So how do you parse out when you feel that little … You’re talking about trusting yourself, but if you start feeling doubt bubbling up, how do you differentiate that between a healthy doubt?

Annie: I think that it really takes a lot of, kind of peeling back the layers and instead of pushing aside the feelings of self-doubt, really sitting with it, kind of just like sitting in the ish … Like sitting … Sometimes you have to sit in it to move forward from it and a lot of times I’ve seen people just kind of push it aside, in denial about why they’re feeling something. Where these self-doubt feelings and limits are coming from? But when people take the time to actually sit in it, like I did, then what comes out on the other side is something really beautiful that can help so many people.

Rachel Brenke: Do you have any steps for when you’re saying sit in it, what are some tangible things that people can do or is it just more of a intuition lead sitting in it?

Annie: Yeah, I think that for me and something that I share with my clients inside of my program is to really do a giant brainstorm, like brain dump and just pick the topic and write. Set your timer and just write everything that comes to mind on that topic. And I learned that from one of my mentors and it has been just such a super valuable thing. And a lot of times, before I was really urged to do this by my mentor, I was afraid of even putting it on paper, I wouldn’t want there to be any record of it, but this very simple step in kind of unveiling the source of your self-doubt can help you move through it.

Rachel Brenke: Which by the way, I’m glad you briefly mentioned your course, cause I was going to mention that to you guys listening,
Annie has the course Profit Where You’re Planted. It’s an eight-week group business coaching program. I’m going to stick that also onto the show notes page. So again, rachelbrenke.com/epi103. All of Annie’s stuff is going to be linked there and a bit more info and a picture of her as well. So you can put a face to the voice.

Annie: Thank you.

Rachel Brenke: All right, so let’s move into getting to the other side of self-doubt. I mean, I kind of jumped the gun, I think on my questions a little bit. Where do you start with that? I mean, is it like AA where you admit I have a problem with self-doubt or is it discovering that you have self-doubt and don’t realize that? And then where do you begin with this?

Annie: I think it’s really discovering it and then going deeper. So I want to take your listeners back to a couple of years ago when I was faced with a decision that turned out to have just a tremendous impact on the rest of my lives and the lives of so many other people. For so long, I struggled with this self-doubt and these self-imposed limits that it was affecting my marriage, my business, my mothering, and I knew that making this decision had the potential to set me free. Can I go on and share this?

Rachel Brenke: Yeah.

Annie: Yes. So, it was the night before my 42nd birthday. I’m lying in bed nursing my toddler, my husband’s gone, right, [crosstalk 00:11:55] he’s in Italy, eating pizza, drinking red wine. Right? Cause that’s what we imagine what they’re doing when [inaudible 00:12:04] a place like that. So the night is super quiet, It’s the night before my birthday and I’m reflecting on my life. I’m reflecting of the source of my self-doubt. My daughter is laying there so peaceful next to me. Unbeknownst to her, I’m sitting here in this struggle, sitting in the ish, like I was sharing before.

So my birthday has always been a huge time of reflection for me because when I was born, my mother gave me up for adoption and it was up until that moment when I was faced with it’s time for me to make a decision and overcome this self-doubt. Before I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I didn’t know what to do to overcome this doubt. But in that moment it was like something smacked me on the side of my head and said, enough Annie and enough of this self-doubt, these crazy limits, It’s time to own this and move on.

So I was adopted at three months old into a beautiful Italian family. My mom and dad are the most beautiful, gentle souls that ever lived on the planet, and I needed to know more, I had these stories that I made up in my head. Many people makeup stories in their head, but I needed to know about my own DNA. I needed to know about my birth parents, I needed to know about the circumstances and about the very blood running through my body, and I wanted to know my own daughters more.

So, that night I laid my daughter back down in her bed. I went into my office and I made a sign in Crayola markers and I told my husband that I was going to go live on Facebook the next day, asking for help in finding my birth family. And he was like, “Okay, all right, you got this.” So I went to sleep, I wake up, it’s my birthday, and I’m like, all right, I’m going to do this. So I’m shaking and I’m sweating and I’m crying and I hold up this sign. And I had already been going live on Facebook in my health and fitness business. So it was already a thing that I did. So I asked for help, I read my sign and I said, please help me find this young woman that gave birth to me 42 years ago today. And then I turned off everything and I went to church. Now I’m not really a churchgoer, but in that moment I just needed to pray and hope that, whatever happens, that I made the right decision, I just had to trust.

So the service ended. I go out to my car, I’m feeling fresh and content with my decision, I’m excited, and luckily I had my phone off cause it would have been blowing up, all these notifications and everything and I see this message from David Jardina and I’m like, Oh my gosh, what is this? I open it and he says, “Annie you need to call me right away, I think you’re my sister, Marie’s daughter.” So I’m sweating again, right? And it’s winter in Virginia and I’m sweating and shaking and I get my daughters, I click them in their car seats in the back and I put my headphones on and I start driving on the busiest highway in the United States, like South of Virginia, right? South or South of DC and I call him and I’m like, “David, it’s Annie, oh my gosh.” And he’s like, “Wait, are you driving?” I’m like, “Yeah, it’s good to go, I’ve got my headphones on.” And he says, “No-no, you need to call me back so we can talk about Marie.”

Rachel Brenke: Oh no.

Annie: It was right then I knew that she had died, right? So I go home, I get my girls settled with a show, I tell my husband and we hop on a video call with David and we talked for over an hour. So much joy, so much love, so much clarity. He shared with me that Marie was one of 10 children in a Catholic Italian family and she gave birth to me one week after she turned 16 years old. So she had made a decision, to give me up for adoption. And when I was 16 years old, she was killed in a car accident, rushing around trying to get ready for a trip to California where she was going to see my birth father, who she hadn’t seen in years. So all of this, is unveiling itself to me and the layers of self-doubt of my limits, it’s going away, it’s being released.

And a week after we had this conversation, I met my entire biological family, all 26 most of all of the 26 first cousins of mine who all have the exact same face as me, we all look exactly the same. There was a beautiful gathering with lasagna and red wine and smells of garlic and everybody talking at once, and everybody’s touching my face and I look over and I see my father and my biological grandfather sitting together thanking each other and just remembering and thanking each other for this beautiful life and this beautiful opportunity that came about because I trusted that I had everything inside of me to deal with whatever happened, whatever happened, whatever was revealed to me, I knew that I had all of the tools inside of me. I had to trust and leap and know that the net it was going to appear with whatever was revealed.

So, why am I sharing this? Why is this important to your listeners? This is a time for you to identify where you’ve been playing small in your own business and how you can peel back these layers and take action to access what’s on the other side of your self-doubt and this negative self talk. But to do this you have to sit in it. You have to feel the feelings first and then face the fear head on.

Rachel Brenke: Oh my goodness.

Annie: Right?

Rachel Brenke: That’s just step number one. We have two more things to share on overcoming self-doubt and getting to the other side. So just to recap on this, all of the negative self talk that we have or most of it’s in our head and it’s stories that we’ve made up, we need to sit in it and just write, sit in a quiet place and just write or loud place, however you think the best … And just whatever comes out.

Annie: Exactly, Exactly. These aren’t the super sexy things in your business. You know that you do and it’s very rare that people are actually going to sit in this and a lot of times we just like to push it aside, but one of the most important things that I like to recommend as a tip is to own your story. You have a key to unlock the next level of possibilities for yourself and also your potential clients. Don’t keep their success trapped in your mouth and trapped in your body.

It’s like when you lock yourself out of your car or you lock yourself out of your house. You have the right to be in there, it’s your stuff in there, you would be in there. But for some reason we lock ourselves out of our own story. We lock ourselves out of our own potential and our own special gifts because for whatever reason, it’s a different reason for everyone. For me, it was that fear of what was on the other side. What am I going to find? Am I going to have the tools to deal with this? Holy cow, am I enough? And just knowing that you are enough and you have everything inside of you, you just have to own it.

Rachel Brenke: And you know what’s interesting with this topic is that I, before coming into this episode, I knew it was important and I had already researched you. I knew a lot on this topic already, but I admittedly am probably one of those bull in a China shop type people who thinks, “Oh, you know what? I actually need to be updating plugins and writing sales copy and doing this and that.” And what’s interesting now, I just got back from a week long trip. I had speaking engagements, took a road trip with a friend and one of the things that I did there was I hardly got on my computer and I got out my notebook and I was just writing. Her and I were talking, driving across the Mojave desert and we’re just talking about business and just writing. And so I’m kind of like, I don’t know smacking my own self up against the head because going into a lot of these kinds of topics, I’m like, how does that really play [inaudible 00:20:52].

Well, I’m already doing what step number one is. Anytime that I approach from a new program, new marketing action or a change, a pivot in something, I find myself writing things out. And so I’m already basically, I feel like doing that, I just think I need to be more committed to sitting in the ish like you said.

Annie: And I think that your audience here is definitely of a certain niche, a certain personality. And just myself, I relate to this very much. As a former federal law enforcement officer, I didn’t want to even go there, I didn’t even want to deal with this, I was fine. My life is good, my family’s happy. I didn’t realize how much this self-doubt, stemming from my own personal history was affecting my current life. It was affecting my business. I mean, I had a giant block in my business at this time a couple of years ago. I couldn’t move forward, I knew that something needed to change, I didn’t know what, I wasn’t excited about my business and I knew that I had to do something, but I didn’t know that it was going to have this magnitude, of course we don’t know, we don’t know what can happen when we lean into it. So that brings me to number, I don’t know what number, but like …

Rachel Brenke: [inaudible 00:22:15] like tangible tools and strategies.

Annie: Yeah, I think that knowing that the clarity follows imperfect action. So after you do your brain dump and you’re writing about these things, just knowing that writing down a list of things that you can do to take action, whether it’s super small things like if you’re brand new, just starting your social channels because that visibility can be very scary in and of itself. Or maybe it’s creating a new offer or creating something that you know that it is going to help people, but maybe you have a lot of fear wrapped up in, is your program good enough or comparison syndrome, whatever. So knowing that when you take some sort of action, whatever you identify that action to be, even if it’s not clear, right when you create the steps to take, the action, clarity will follow.

Maybe you’re thinking of yourself, I have all these ideas. I know that I can help people if I do create this one thing in my business, but I just don’t know how it’s going to look. A lot of us get wrapped up in how the end result is going to be. Well, if I don’t know the exact plan then I’m not even going to do anything, that doesn’t even make sense. Get the first parts done. Invite people to make an investment in themselves and work with you. Maybe you don’t know exactly what it’s going to look like and if you want, you can just be honest and vulnerable and say, listen, I’ve got this thing, I know that it’s going to help you, I’ve got the first part’s done and I want you to help me to create the rest of it. Call it a beta, it’s good to go, It happens all the time. Just create the rest as the group or your client shows their needs and also shows what lights you up on fire.

Rachel Brenke: Yeah, I was laughing because I was raising my hand that I’m one of those that, I have to do all of it or I’m not going to do any of it.

Annie: Yeah. We’ve all been there because I think that sometimes we fear that if we put it out there and we don’t have all the answers, then well maybe we don’t have our stuff together. People come to you for a reason because they know that you can get them the transformation quicker, easier, and with the least possible investment. People don’t want to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on getting from point A to point B. They want to be able to do it quick and easy and meaningful. So we just have to trust.

Rachel Brenke: Well, you know what’s interesting is this is something that I have gone back and forth in my head over the decade plus that I’ve been doing this, and this was before even the freemium model was available, right? All these blog posts and pins that are out there, we’re not out there when I was first getting into business, et cetera.

But I just look back and I think, man, if I had courses available to me that I could one stop buy a course and I’m not advocating run out and buy all the courses, you want to be very selective in who you’re learning from and making sure you’re actually going to do it and not just an education collector, I know many people that do that, but I just think about if I had, even now having somebody, and there’s another episode, I’ll stick into the show notes, but the title of my episode is ‘You can’t see the label from the inside” and it’s this whole idea that you have a water bottle and when you’re inside of it you can’t read the label correctly cause it’s backwards and it’s fuzzy and all of that, right? That’s why you have somebody on the outside of the water bottle who can read the label.

They can look at everything they can evaluate for you and I can’t impress how much I value and encourage those of you listening to find someone that you connect with authentically online that you can engage with, that can teach you and provide consultant strategy or coaching in your business. I think them being able to get into the issue with you can be helpful because sometimes you can’t see all that from the inside.

Annie: Agree. Agree. And like we were saying before, I think that the vibe, a lot of times of women like us, I’m just going to say it, I’m just going to say it like that. I don’t need help. I got this. I can figure this out of my own, but this entrepreneur journey can be a super lonely one if you’re just hanging out behind your computer trying to create the landing pages and do all the things. I mean, nobody needs to do this alone. And yeah, definitely you got to find a group of people, a tribe or a coach or someone that you resonate with their message. And the way that they’re teaching, It’s so incredibly valuable.

Rachel Brenke: Cause I know that especially when you’re just growing your business, you guys are listening thinking I don’t have two nickels to rub together, I don’t have money to invest. I get that. I’m not saying to run out and get in debt, especially this episode will air about Christmas beginning of the year. So a lot of people be putting out their courses, et cetera. Don’t feel like you need to … Do not actually, you guys know I’m a huge proponent of building a debt or minimally debt free business, very little debt as possible. But if you can work it into your plan, into your strategies to save money, I really think that’s a huge thing that can help you, especially if you’re in this position that you can’t get over self-doubt yourself.

Definitely having someone else to talk to and there’s many coaches such as Annie that can help you and I know many others. Someone like myself, we may not necessarily sit down and talk about self-doubt and the emotions and this and that. I’m very, let’s do AB and C and this is what you get done and that’s okay, we all have our different approaches. I think it’s finding the person, like you said, that you can connect with that can help you to get to that freedom and clarity.

Annie: Exactly. Yes. This is good. I love talking about this. This is something that lights me up that if you would’ve asked me 10 years ago, “Hey, are you going to talk about self-doubt and your whole story and what?” No, I’d be like, “What are you talking about? Absolutely not, there’s no way” but I have just found that these are things that we need to shed light on because when we do #possibilities, I mean so much opens up for us when we deal with things like this that are going on in our head and recognize that these are just stories that we’re telling ourself and we can move out of the fear and really do some beautiful things for others and for our families.

Rachel Brenke: I agree and I’m taking this episode now, what I’ve learned from talking to you and it’s going to be a challenge for myself in the next year. I want to get to sitting down, getting out of the stories in my head and using the tools and strategies cause I want to get to freedom and clarity on many topics. I want to know that minimum viable product, low hanging fruit is just as good, if not better than trying to build the entire thing at one time. What I want to do, Annie, is I want to stick a special thread into The Business Bites Facebook group because I would love to hear a bit more about the audience members self-doubt issues. So I would love for you guys listening to go in there. We’ll go get that posted the same week this episode hits and you guys can leave your comments. Annie, we would love for you to join us if you want to come in and chit-chat with anyone. By the way, don’t forget Episode 103, so rachelbrenke.com/epi103 and any last tips you have for the audience on getting to the other side of self-doubt?

Annie: Be vulnerable, be vulnerable and know that you put your product out there, you’re not sure what’s going to happen. You’re kind of baring your soul because it’s something that you created. I mean, we’re all entrepreneurs here. These are businesses or things that we create from our heart. Being vulnerable and putting it out there and trusting that you have all of the tools inside of you. Hey, what’s the worst that happens? You launch a crickets, right? You launch to crickets, nobody buys. I mean, that’s the worst that could happen. Nobody dies, nobody’s going to die because you put this out there and it seems like a failure, but there is no failure at all. It’s a perfect and beautiful opportunity for you to go revisit your copy, check your messaging, look at the gaps and move forward with something even better, and it’s going to have an even a bigger and more powerful impact.

Rachel Brenke: Love it. Well, I’m taking up the challenge, guys make sure you jump into the Facebook group as well. Don’t forget, Episode 103 and I will see you guys inside.

Tool and Resources:

Sponsored by Big Picture CPA

Featured Guest & Resources

Annie Peguero is the leading authority business and branding coach for the military spouse community. She mentors military spouses to transform their money making ideas into digital products that generate income anywhere the military plants their family.

Annie is a marine spouse and mom of 2 girls. The live on Okinawa, Japan where they love beach days, exploring and adventuring on their beautiful island and anywhere they travel together.

Annie is a former law enforcement park ranger with the National Park Service. She has lived and worked in some of the most beautiful places in America- Acadia National Park in Maine, Great Smoky Mountains National Park in Tennessee, Yellowstone, Yosemite, Grand Canyon and Golden Gate National Recreation Area. While protecting and serving park visitors, federal lands and wildlife – highlights of Annie’s diverse park ranger career include: leading high profile investigations, testifying in federal court, collaborating with multiple federal agencies and successfully relocating a wolf in Yellowstone.

You can find Annie here:
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About the author

Hi, I’m Rachel Brenke

Rachel Brenke

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