3 months post-partum. Messed up hair dye job. 30 lbs overweight. Insecure. Unhappy. Dorky.
I forced myself to get in front of the camera. I entrusted in my photographer with the type of trust I’m not even sure I have with myself. I can’t even tell you how hard this was for me. Not just because of the vain characteristics I listed above. But because of the vulnerability it brought. I trusted her to make me beautiful. Not through photoshop, but by pulling out the inside beauty through laughs, posing, personality. Now I totally get what my clients go through and why so many shy away from photography. But I didn’t have a choice.
I forced myself to do this for my business.
If it had been just for me I probably would have never done it. This was one of my goals for 2012 and I did, despite the midnight cheeseburgers while pregnant with Caleb that resulted in lingering pounds. I wasn’t going to let my insecurity get in the way of my business. How can I ask people to find their real beauty and get it photographed when I hadn’t done it myself? How can I encourage other photographers to go out there and take chances if I’m not going to? So I did it. I, also, find that by showing yourself to your audience and allowing them to “get to know you” as much as possible helps to strip away the impersonal aspect of the internet.
So I did it.
Here I am.
And what I have learned from this “little goal” is so invaluable. I feel that I’m coming full circle to that geeky girl with the bumper bangs and braces.
I wish the 15-year-old me knew where I would be one day. That I would survive highschool and the teasing. That in the real world there is so much more to a person than the absence of their bumper bangs and braces. The sad part is, the 15-year-old me is still inside. Confident on the outside, but constantly putting myself down on the inside. I used to think I got into this business to capture the wedding I never had. (Cough cough Husband, our anniversary is coming up).
No, I have finally found why I got into this business.
On the consulting side, I find myself wanting to encourage others to succeed. On the photography side, it is to give people what Amy Cook gave me through these pictures. Confidence. And what Morgan Kervin gave me this past year. Memories. Sure I won’t hang myself on my wall in my office but I have these to use for so much more than marketing. They identify a time in my life where I feel like I can start to let go of the 15 year old insecurities. As photographers we should encourage our clients to not pass up preserving memories in life because of extra weight, or not the right time, or (insert another excuse here).
But I still have the evenings that I fall into my pillow crying because I am grasping to hold onto those insecurities and have no idea what the future holds. But you can’t let those insecurities stop you from succeeding.
The best you can do is to march on.
I wish the 15-year-old me could see me now and listen. Ignore the nay-sayers. See me as a business owner and mother. Then again, I could thank all those that told me I was ugly or that I would become nothing. At the end of the day I am nothing but a mother and a wife. Someone who is yearning for the world to see how beautiful they are on in the inside, and letting me be the one to capture it. Don’t let your insecurities stop you from becoming the person you want to be. From running the business you want to run. From achieving the dreams you want to succeed.
I wish the 40-year-old me could talk to the 27-year-old me and impart some wisdom but until then I’ll keep making mistakes, crying into my pillow, doing the running man when I get a certain number of likes on a post, and keep being me….
I challenge each of you to do something this year that puts you outside your comfort zone for your business. Something out of the norm. Write a blog post, post it on your page and tag my business page. Come back and comment HERE with the link by December 15th, 2012 and you can win a FREE spot in my 2013 MentorME program. I will select someone December 17th, 2012. If you happen to sign up in the regular application time (you don’t have to in order to be entered for the free one), your fees will be refunded and you get your program free! No purchase required to enter to win a free spot.
Winner is Bailie Malay!Pin It